Argh, this post. It’s the bane of my blog existence. I’ve edited it a few times out of frustration since I originally posted it. I linked it in one of my more recent posts, and since then I’ve been unable to rid myself of the urge to delete the thing entirely, because I hate looking back at how unhappy and second-rate this entire situation made me feel, and how much the feeling that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be nice, smart, pretty, or funny enough to deserve better came out in my writing.
For these reasons, I am frequently tempted to rename these something like “Happiest Brownies EVERRRRRRRRR” and write a post about my spring break plans or my inability to get into those Game of Thrones books even though everyone else loves them (seriously though, how do people keep up with who all of the characters are when their names are all RIDICULOUS?). However, that seems unfair, both to the sad, misguided version of myself from a few months ago, and to the occasional lonely person who comes across these brownies looking for culinary comfort. So, while I’m deleting the original post, I’m leaving the name the same. Everyone feels lonely and perhaps a bit heartbroken sometimes, even if it’s just for a few moments. As I said in the original post, these are the best brownies I’ve ever eaten, and when you’re feeling like there’s nothing you can do to be happy, and that no one has ever felt as bad as you do, you deserve these borderline magical brownies. While you eat them, you should remember that everyone has felt that bad at some point, no matter how happy they seem on their facebook statuses or in magazine interviews or whatever. It would be a disservice of me not to leave these here to prove it.
Recipe
adapted from my grandmother’s friend, Marie, who can’t remember where it came from.
Brownies
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup melted butter
1 tsp vanilla
Frosting
1 16 oz box powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
5 (ish) tablespoons cocoa
1/2 cup cream cheese softened(optional. I only use this if I’m serving them that day only.)
Freshly brewed coffee (a cup or less, generally)
1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Beat eggs. Add in sugar, butter, and vanilla, mix on medium speed. Add in flour slowly, beating on low speed until combined.
3. Pour into ungreased 9×13 pan, bake for approximately 25-30 minutes. Be very careful not to overbake or brownies will crumble. Take out earlier rather than later.
4. For frosting, combine powdered sugar, vanilla, cocoa, and cream cheese. Add more cocoa until mixture is uniformly brown, although it will be a muted brown color. You just don’t want any areas that are solely powdered sugar. Slowly add coffee, adding just enough to bring it to spreading consistency. It’s better to keep it thicker rather than letting it get too thin to set.
5. Frost cooled brownies.
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So sorry about the heart situation. I’ve definitely been there and did not have these amazing looking brownies to get me through. Cliche as it is, I’d like to quote Marilyn Monroe at this point- “Good things fall apart so better things can fall into place”
Here’s hoping for better things to come your way
The brownies look wonderful. And I’m so, so, so sorry for what you’re feeling. If it’s any consolation, I know how you feel. I’ve been there, and it truly is the loneliness that gets you the most. Just remember, when you get through this (and you will), you will be so much stronger and someone who is much more deserving will win you over. Hang in there, chicka.
I looooooove your blog. I love brownies AND cookies (and anything cookie pie/dough/molten cookie…)
P.s) i’m sorry about the heartache… eat allll the brownies to take the pain away… it helps.
The funny thing about loneliness is that everyone has been there at one point or another; which kind of negates the nature of it. But that doesn’t negate the pain unfortunately, and I too have been there/go there often. I’m a fan of PostSecret and stumbled across this postcard one day. I loved it, hope it helps
http://oldpostsecret.tumblr.com/post/3572054187/even-though-i-havent-found-you-yet-i-take
Ahh I know exactly how you feel, and I know that only delicious baked goods can make you feel a bit better about it. I’ll definitely make these and send some positive feelings towards you while I do! I know you’ll feel better soon, just keep baking!
As the saying goes…. “Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels.” I’m sorry you’re heartbroken.
feel better. Also remember that hearts are easily bruised but very difficult to break! You + these brownies = a much stronger gal on the other side of this trial.
Thank you for the recipe, but thank you even more for your honesty and he time you take to share your life with the rest of us, love your blog!
I hope your broken heart is on its way to being healed. This really is a delightful recipe. It’s so simple to make, but is packed with flavor. The coffee in the frosting makes a huge difference! I went into the kitchen once they were cooled and frosted just to taste a tiny piece. I left the kitchen with an entire row missing from the pan!
If I knew you IRL, I would totally kick him in the scrotum for you.
The best I can do is leave you with this quote, which is way too true for the interwebz:
“No matter what, once in your life, someone will hurt you. That someone will take all that you are and rip it to pieces, and they won’t even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown, you’ll learn something about yourself. You’ll learn that you’re strong. And no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone.”
You guys are all so sweet!
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